Rock's Box Office, Disney Swaps Star Wars for 'Ice Age', a 'Venom' Milestone, An Escapist Hatch for James Bond and More

Those who get caught in the coming Trump-era outrage cycle should remember The Streisand Effect, oh and there's only one reason anyone remembers 'Idle Hands'...

Three “articles,” so let’s start with a flurry of mini-sized takes.

• Conan O’Brien is a solid choice to host next year’s Academy Awards. And there’s a good chance that the nominations (especially the tech categories) may be dominated by successful and likely-to-be-successful tentpoles, namely Dune Part Two, Wicked Part One and Gladiator II. If that happens, no one can make a good-faith argument that the Oscars are out of step with mainstream tastes, although I’m sure folks will try.

• I’m happy that Zack Snyder seems to be getting around to making his first “real world” movie, an LAPD-centric actioner for Netflix. Hope springs eternal that he’s about to make his proverbial Ambulance.

• Idle Hands was not a hit in 1999. And no, Idle Hands did not bomb in April 1999 ($4.5 million on a $25 million budget) only because it opened ten days after the Columbine school shooting. The only reason anyone remembers Idle Hands is that those of us who noticed it did a double take (keep in mind I was 19 at the time) upon glancing at then-relative newbie Jessica Alba. Even in “IP for the sake of IP” and “not all IP is good IP,” Sony is scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one.
  

• Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson made news this week by affirming that while the next James Bond would likely be a dude young enough to make a handful of 007 movies, he might not be a white guy. As I wrote at length in 2020 (after watching every single 007 film in about a month), the best reason to cast a “not a white guy” as James Bond is… for funsies. Casting a “not a white guy” performer would again allow the 007 franchise to sell itself as unapologetic as escapism and wish-fulfillment fantasy.

  It would give EON and friends an excuse to break out of a 35-year cycle of “Is James Bond still relevant after the Cold War and/or 9/11?” and “Being James Bond is a curse, dammit!” handwringing that defined the post-Roger Moore era. While the films — including Timothy Dalton’s ahead-of-the-curve License to Kill — were (mostly) good-to-great on their own merits, when watched in succession, the Daniel Craig films play like grimdark remakes of the Pierce Brosnan films. Conversely, the likes of Henry Golding or Dev Patel indulging in the franchise’s action-adventure/globetrotting/wealth porn tropes could be sold as aspirational.

  Sure, it might clash with the specifically aristocratic fantasy of both the Ian Fleming novels and the 26 official (not counting Never Say Never Again) 007 movies, but so what? It would certainly be a way to deal with the notion of James Bond confronting world-conquering supervillains while representing England as our world now seems essentially run by wannabee Blofeld-types. Conversely, do we want a *third* consecutive era of “deconstructionist, guilt-ridden self-commentary?” I have no idea who the next James Bond will be, but we can only hope to get some truly “new” James Bond movies.

• Sans moral judgment, I do wish Rachel Zegler had not apologized for ending a heartfelt post-election social media post with “Fuck Donald Trump.” Whether in good faith or amid outside pressure, the apology attracted far more attention than the initial “offending” statements. That’s essential to remember amid the next round of Trump-style “Satanic panic” outrage cycles. Think “The Streisand Effect.” Before you decide how to respond or ask your employees to retract, ask, “Will this story matter or even still exist 48 hours from now?”

  The YouTube Troll Industrial Complex has targeted Zegler since August 2023 for speaking slightly ill of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Never mind that her earlier statements about updating the story were almost certainly studio-friendly talking points. Anyone who claims or claimed that Snow White is their favorite Disney movie is lying. It’s the same as saying Dr. No is your favorite 007 film. It’s the first and has novelty and cultural value, but Pinnochio/From Russia with Love is *right there.*

  Giant multinational companies can be concerned that a viral “Truth” or a right-wing pile-on might impact their share price. However, you cannot do much to control or prevent the random whims of performative chaos agents. Besides, if you’re a truly global company, you should remember more of your audience either dislikes or doesn’t care about the once-and-future president, even if his fans know how to make their shrill voices heard. Sadly, even in America, the most significant contingency is a 118 million-sized demographic known as the non-voter.

And now, tonight’s main events…

1. Extended thoughts on Disney swapping out Star Wars for Ice Age 6. Yay for theatrical IP returning to theaters. Yay to WBD slotting what presumably is Dune Messiah on that date back in June on the correct hunch that Star Wars would get delayed. Boo to yet another piece of prime IP that used to be a major Disney competitor now existing under the Disney umbrella.

2. As Venom: The Last Dance crosses $400 million worldwide, I looked at the recent “trend” of cheaper comic book superhero movies and whether the likes of Logan, Shazam! and Venom should be the rule rather than the exception.

3. As Red One opens domestically, success should be determined by how close it gets to what used to constitute a commercially successful Dwayne Johnson star vehicle. That pesky $250 million budget was partially due to the “greenlit for streaming, so everyone got paid upfront” variable, but most of his 2010s hits were way cheaper than Black Adam and could afford to gross far less than Jumanji: The Next Level.