“He’s not even onscreen to defend himself!”
This was an unusually casual and comparatively relaxing 65 minutes, perhaps because there was one major movie to discuss — Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, which A) all of us more or less enjoyed and B) opened about as well as most of us expected. So, no decrying the ways in which Hollywood has cut off its nose to spite its face. Other than discussing what role China does and doesn’t play for 2020s tentpoles, and trying to figure out why the film got a B from CinemaScore, it’s pretty much “Well, this is how it’s supposed to work, right?”
Well, there’s a little displeasure on display, as Lisa again (not incorrectly) noted, that The Fall Guy was closer to “what Hollywood thinks makes money versus what actually makes money” than most of us wanted to admit prior to opening weekend. Not to be outdone, she also offered up a few more terrible, unholy ideas for both future Apes movies (“Somehow… Maurice returned”) and the Jurassic World sequel (it’s too awful to type out here).
If we do this for long enough, I may have to go back and make a compilation for your amusement. Unless, of course, one of these “pitches” actually happens, in which case we’ll all have a permanent “last scene of Oppenheimer” facial expression.
Anyway, I tried to edit as little as possible this time out, keeping more of the “folks collecting their thoughts” than unusual, so if you have any yay/nay thoughts on that, I’m all ears.
In terms of the written word, Lisa Laman has penned a piece for Next Best Picture on the Academy Award history of the Planet of the Apes franchise. I agree that a Best Makeup nomination might have been due for Rick Baker’s work on the 2001 Tim Burton-directed remake. If The Golden Compass can *win* Best Special Effects in 2008…
Ryan Scott offered up another“Tales from the Box Office” column this week, namely about the 25th anniversary of The Mummy (you’re old). He’ll allegedly drop another two more this week concerning the 10th anniversary of Godzilla (you’re slightly less old) and 25th anniversary of The Phantom Menace (you’re 1.5 weeks older than you were when you read the Mummy piece).
Jeremy Fuster has his long-in-development WrapPro piece on indie filmmakers getting their movies into theaters without conventional distribution, including commentary from Hundreds of Beavers director Mike Cheslik. Mea culpa by about 4.5 months, but that may be my favorite movie of 2024 thus far. It’s a jaw-droppingly inspired and endlessly inventive comic caper. Chaplin, Murnau, Deren and (especially) Ozu can all go retroactively straight to hell because Hundreds of Beavers may just be the best silent film I’ve seen since Sunrise (he says, only half-joking).
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